We earn a commission on most products listed below. We chose them anyway. The nine products on this page replaced fifty-three. The other forty-four are listed at the bottom under “We won’t recommend.”
The book that gave us a vocabulary for desire inside long relationships. We require it of every BothWant team member in their first month. We have given away 47 copies to subscribers who emailed us asking why their partner wouldn’t talk about sex.
“It is the book about long-term desire.”
Affiliate link →The dual-control model of arousal, explained without making you feel like you’re reading a textbook. Particularly useful for women whose partners have, with the best intentions, asked the wrong questions for many years.
“Read this if your partner says “I don’t know what I want.””
Affiliate link →EFT for couples, in plain language. The seven conversations are a strong scaffold for a couple working without a therapist. The Mating in Captivity / Hold Me Tight pairing — desire and attachment — is the closest thing we have to a complete theory.
“The attachment counterpart to Mating in Captivity.”
Affiliate link →A blank-page hardcover with a bookmark, a pocket, and an elastic. We tested seven journal brands at $20–$60. This one is the floor of “good.” If you want better, get a Midori MD. If you want cheaper, the basic Muji A5 is fine.
“If you’re going to keep a relationship journal, this is the floor.”
Affiliate link →Twelve prompts a month, drawn from the question library. Lined paper, no app, no notifications. We made this because we ourselves wanted a journal that knew about partners. We do not have an affiliate link. We make the margin directly.
“The only one on this page we make ourselves.”
Buy direct →We almost left this off. The reason it stays: a Sunday-morning ritual is the most underrated couple-care intervention we know. The single act of one partner making coffee for the other, slowly, on purpose, is itself a relationship practice.
“A Sunday ritual is a relationship intervention.”
Affiliate link →We have written 4,000 words on phones in bedrooms; we will spare you here. Get any analog alarm clock; this one is the nicest. The phones go on the kitchen counter at 9:30pm. The conversation starts.
“Get the phones out of the bedroom.”
Affiliate link →Anonymized one-session couples therapy, in audio. Every couple we know has been changed by listening to a single episode together. The audiobook of the season is whichever one your partner has not yet heard.
“Listen to one episode together. Any episode.”
Affiliate link →150 questions across three levels: perception, connection, reflection. Less clinical than ours, more playful. We recommend it for couples in the first two years; the BothWant library is the better fit at year five and beyond.
“The card deck for the first two years.”
Affiliate link →Progress is not the unit. Conversation is.
Desire is not a seasoning.
Gamification of vulnerability is a category error.
Almost always selling something other than what the title implies.
Save the money. See a therapist for ten sessions instead.